Jacqui d'Eon - Blog #communication

The Velvet Hammer: How to Be Kind and Direct

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 10:45:00 -0400

One skill I've quietly developed over the years is what I call "velvet hammer" writing. It's the art of crafting letters, announcements, and directions that are simultaneously kind (the velvet) and direct (the hammer).

Lawyers love hammers. But in my experience, a little velvet gets issues resolved faster and with far less collateral damage than legal proceedings ever could.

Here are three tips and two scenarios to get you started.

Three Tips for Velvet Hammer Communication

Manage your emotions. Use your emotions to build empathy, not to launch personal attacks. The moment you call someone incompetent or lazy, you've lost them. This is a business issue. Treat it like one.

State the facts clearly. Tell people what you expected, how the product, service, or delivery fell short, and what you believe would be a fair resolution. Specifics matter here.

Stay open to an amicable solution. When you feel wronged, it's easy to assume you have the full picture. You rarely do. There are almost always mitigating factors on the other side.

Scenario 1: A Disappointing Product or Service

You bought something from an organization you trust and it didn't deliver. You want them to make it right.

The hammer approach? Demand a refund, threaten to walk, and move on. You might get your money back, but you'll also lose a supplier you valued.

The velvet approach starts with empathy: "I know this isn't how you like to do business. I value our relationship, which is exactly why I'm reaching out." Then get specific. Don't say "the product doesn't work." Say which feature failed, under what conditions, and what outcome you expected. Then tell them what you need and by when, and ask how they'd like to resolve it. That last part matters. People own solutions they help create.

Scenario 2: A Team Member Misses a Key Deadline

You gave this person the task because you believed in them. Now you're behind, and the frustration is real.

Here's the thing: your anger is a power tool right now, and not in a good way. Issuing ultimatums will get two people emotional and zero work done.

The velvet move is to state, calmly and clearly, exactly how difficult a position you're in and what needs to happen now. Direct your frustration at the situation, not the person. Then ask two questions: What got in the way? And what do you need to get this done?

The lessons-learned conversation? Save it for after the job is finished.

Ready to sharpen skills like this in a setting where you can practise without the real-world stakes? Leap to Leadership is a safe, confidential space to do exactly that. Let's talk.

Your Culture Lives in the Middle

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 15:22:02 -0400

You have the posters. Your mission statement is a masterpiece. Your organization has a culture manifesto. Yet, day after day, the way work actually happens tells a different story.

Culture isn’t what you write on the walls—it’s what people live every day. And the people who shape that lived experience are often your middle managers.

They lead teams, run projects, train new employees, and translate the tone set by the C-suite into daily reality. They are the real guardians of your culture.

Consider this example: a middle manager in a growing firm noticed that her team was routinely skipping debrief sessions because deadlines were tight. The culture document emphasized collaboration and learning, but pressure from above made it feel impossible to honour that value. She decided to push back. She convinced her director to allow her team to take time for retrospectives.

The result? Problems were caught earlier, meaningful conversations happened, work processes streamlined, and productivity actually improved.

That’s culture in action: small, deliberate choices that reflect the values you’ve set when middle managers have both permission and support to uphold them.

If middle managers don’t experience the culture you intend or don’t have the power to influence it, your organizational values exist only on paper. Instead of a cohesive culture, you get a fractured mosaic: work gets done, yes, but engagement, morale, and long-term performance suffer.

This isn’t about middle managers being unwilling or ill-intentioned. It’s about pressure. They are tasked with delivering results while absorbing expectations from above. Structural barriers often prevent them from nurturing culture, and when no one rewards that effort, they make the pragmatic choice: prioritize tasks over people.

The solution is simple in principle but requires commitment: if you want a high-performing organization where culture thrives, you must support the middle managers who make it real.

Here’s how:

Define expectations clearly: Spell out the behaviours you want managers to model and the acceptable compromises.
Coach to succeed: Equip managers with the skills to handle tough conversations, performance issues, and team challenges.
Measure and reward behaviours that matter: Evaluate managers not just on results, but on how they lead, develop people, and uphold culture.

Supporting middle managers doesn’t just protect culture; it amplifies it.

When they have the tools, permission, and recognition to uphold values, every decision they make reinforces the culture you’ve declared, turning your vision into everyday reality.

Culture isn’t a poster on the wall. It lives in the daily choices of your middle managers, and in the support you give them to make the right ones.

The Secret to Networking: Stop Trying to Get Something

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 05:45:00 -0500

I like to say my hobby is collecting people. It's a fun way of saying I genuinely enjoy networking.

Friends and colleagues often come to me looking for help, and while I can't always solve their problem directly, I almost always know someone who can. A good introduction goes a long way.

Years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Michael J. Hughes, widely known as North America's Networking Guru. Michael dedicated his career to helping business professionals use networking as a strategic skill, and his insights have stuck with me long after we first connected.

Sadly, Michael passed away last year, but his wisdom is absolutely worth keeping alive. Consider this a small tribute.

Here are his 7 characteristics of effective networkers, with my take on each:

Courageous. They take the initiative, which makes everyone around them more comfortable. My take: At receptions or cocktail parties, be the first to introduce yourself. It costs nothing and sets a great tone.
Curious. They've cultivated genuine curiosity, making others feel seen and valued. My take: Curiosity doesn't kill anything. It opens doors to conversations and connections you never expected.
Caring. They show real interest in others, which builds trust fast. My take: A simple way to show you care? Share an article on a topic you know someone is passionate about.
Skilled communicators. They let the other person shine and actually listen. My take: Active listening is the whole game here.
Value creators. They look for ways to highlight someone else's strengths and connect the dots. My take: If I'm at an event and someone new joins the conversation, I'll introduce them with a hook: "Jim, meet Barbara. Barbara, Jim is an avid golfer." Instant connection.
Consistent. They take ownership of keeping relationships moving, even when progress feels slow. My take: This is the hard one. Not everyone responds right away, and that's okay. Relationships take time.
Contribution-focused. They lead with giving, not getting. My take: I often feel like I give more than I receive early on, but when I reach out for help, my network shows up. That's not luck; that's the return on a genuine investment in people.

Michael's framework is as relevant today as ever. If you'd like help tapping into my network or exploring leadership development, I'd love to connect. Let's talk.

The Recognition Formula That Actually Works

Wed, 18 Feb 2026 14:15:00 -0500

In our fast-paced world, it's easy to get caught up chasing the next goal and forget to celebrate the wins along the way.

However, recognizing achievements isn't just nice to have. It's a powerful motivator that fuels continued progress and creates the kind of workplace where people actually want to show up.

Identify the Moments Up Front

When you kick off a project, map out the milestones that matter. Then assign someone on the team to handle the celebration. Without this, trust me, the moment will pass you by.

It's that simple: no owner equals no recognition.

Know What Will Be Appreciated

Recognition done wrong feels like punishment. Take time to learn how your team members prefer to be acknowledged.

For some, a heartfelt thank you from the right person is gold. It signals that their effort matters and their work is significant. Others appreciate tangible tokens or gifts.

There's no one-size-fits-all here.

Deliver at the Right Time

Timing is everything. The closer your recognition is to the achievement, the more powerful it feels.

Instantaneous is ideal (though not always realistic). Wait too long and the moment passes. Late recognition can feel like an afterthought rather than genuine appreciation.

Use the Thank You Formula

When celebrating an achievement, help people understand exactly why they're being recognized. Here's a simple formula:

Say thank you and name the specific action: "Sally, thanks for speaking up at today's meeting."
Explain why it matters to you: "The points you raised are critical to the project, and I'm glad we had an opportunity to discuss them."
Highlight their specific contribution: "You showed real courage in raising some potentially controversial topics, and your diplomacy in doing so was remarkable."
Thank them again: "Thanks for making the meeting constructive and productive."

Of course, it's never too late to say thank you. But well-timed recognition builds stronger relationships and keeps momentum alive.

Does Everyone on Your Team Have a User Manual?

Wed, 11 Feb 2026 11:21:00 -0500

AI-generated image

If you're like me, you like things done in a certain way. Sometimes you get irritated when others, who don't know that, do something you don't like.

Over the years, I've found that a frank conversation at the beginning of a working relationship can help prevent these issues.

The outcome of that conversation is a "user manual."

It acts as a reference and can be updated as needed. Within a team, these user manuals help build trust and understanding. They prevent petty tensions from becoming full-blown disputes.

Getting Started

To help you get your first draft going, think deeply and answer these 12 questions:

What are your key strengths and skills?
What are you working to improve?
How do you prefer to communicate (email, Slack, in person, phone)?
What's your typical work schedule or availability?
How do you like to receive feedback?
What energizes you at work?
What drains you at work?
How do you prefer to make decisions?
What are your pet peeves or triggers?
What might people misunderstand about you?
What's your approach to collaboration?
What's one thing people should know to work effectively with you?

Keep It Fresh

Treat your manual as a living document. Get your teammates to do the same. Keep the conversation going by checking in on the manuals periodically, at least annually, or after significant milestones.

When everyone knows how everyone else ticks, you spend less time navigating personalities and more time doing great work together.

Is the Art of Listening Lost?

Wed, 28 Jan 2026 11:46:00 -0500

In a world where we communicate instantly and often in soundbites, the art of listening can feel like a relic of the past. It is one of the most powerful tools in a leader's kit, yet it is frequently the one we neglect most.

The Listening Gap

We are well into January 2026, and the digital landscape is noisier than ever. Between near-constant breaking-news updates and the endless ping of hybrid-work platforms, our attention is split into a thousand pieces.

Many leaders find that while their teams are "connected," they aren't actually communicating.

Real connection requires active engagement rather than just waiting for your turn to speak. In the Leap to Leadership program, we often see that the most effective managers are those who can quiet the noise to really hear their team's dreams and fears.

Five Rules for Active Listening

Active listening is a learned skill that creates a "people-first" culture. Following these five rules will help you cut through the static and build genuine trust with your colleagues.

Eliminate distractions. This means closing your email and putting your phone out of sight during conversations.
Stay in the moment. Focus on what is being said right now, not on rehearsing your witty comeback or response.
Ask questions to clarify. Ensure you understand the speaker's intent, not just their words.
Summarize your understanding. Try repeating the main points back in your own words to show you were paying attention.
Get confirmation. Let the speaker tell you if you actually got it right before you move on to solutions.

Leading with Intention

Mastering these rules transforms a conversation from a transaction into a strategic opportunity. Whether you are guiding a new hire or advising an executive, a little listening goes a long way in this hectic world.

If you want to sharpen your communication or find your unique leadership voice, consider taking the Leadership Edge assessment. It’s a great way to see how your behavioural "DNA" aligns with your career goals for 2026 and beyond.

Make Your Message Matter

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 10:25:00 -0500

If you’re stepping into a new leadership role, here’s the truth: communication isn’t a "soft skill" add-on; it’s one of the main levers you have.

McKinsey even put it on their new-CEO checklist: item 8 asks, "Have I thought through my communications plan—internal and external?"

Start with what you stand for

In the early days of a new role, it’s normal not to have your full strategy baked yet. (If you do, please share your secret.)

McKinsey’s "Letter to a newly appointed CEO" makes a great point: message consistency matters, and it can be smarter to anchor your communication in what you believe and what you stand for early on.

Those beliefs become the themes people repeat about you, long before they can quote your five-year plan.

Build your communication plan

As someone who’s served seven different CEOs as a communications advisor, one pattern shows up every time: leaders who treat communication as strategic tend to build trust faster.

A practical plan doesn’t have to be fancy, but it should answer:

What do people need to hear from you in the first 30–60 days?
What are you going to say (and say again)?
How will you know it landed?

Partner with your "microphone holder"

If you have a Chief Communications Officer (or a comms lead), make that relationship a priority.

They’re often your best window into what people are thinking, and they help you reach the organization with clarity.

A few ways that help:

Share your style (speaker, writer, small-group connector).
Be honest about what feels awkward so you don’t over-rely on the one channel you like most.

Choose the right channels

Different organizations trust different communication vehicles, and what worked at your last company may not work here.

Before you default to "Let’s do a video!", take time to learn what channels people actually pay attention to in your new environment.

Remember: every encounter is an event

Every meeting, hallway hello, or quick check-in is "an event" for the people you lead, especially when you’re new.

You don’t need one perfect speech. You need consistent moments.

Communicate. Follow through. Measure. Repeat.

This is the simple discipline that builds credibility:

Communicate
Follow through
Measure what’s working
Repeat

New Year, New Role? 4 Tips for Starting on the Right Foot

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 17:05:00 -0500

If the New Year has you taking on a new role, you need to know that it’s not all in the title. It is a fundamental shift.

It can feel exhilarating one minute and completely overwhelming the next.

Here are some tips to get you moving forward in the right direction.

1. Know your biggest challenges

As you step into leadership, a few challenges tend to show up on repeat.

Navigating the shift from peer to leader without losing trust or trying to be “everyone’s friend”.
Setting realistic priorities so you do not overcommit and burn out trying to prove yourself.
Understanding the scope of your role and the ripple effects of your decisions on people, projects and culture.

2. Continue your growth

Leadership is a practice, not a personality trait. Staying curious and coachable keeps you effective and sane.

Work with a mentor, peer coach or leadership coach who offers perspective, feedback and a safe place to think out loud.
Commit to ongoing learning through courses, reading, podcasts or industry events to stay current on leadership skills and best practices.
Delegate thoughtfully so you can focus on what only you can do and give your team room to grow.
Invest time in building your team so that strengths are clear and work is balanced.
Develop your Emotional Quotient (EQ) so you can read a room, manage your reactions and handle conflict without dodging it.

3. Avoid common mistakes

A few missteps can make leadership feel much harder than it needs to. Do not:

try to do it all yourself; overextending is a fast track to exhaustion and resentment
avoid difficult conversations; delayed feedback usually becomes a bigger problem later
drift away from the culture and values; they are the glue that keeps people aligned and motivated

4. Chart your course

You will never have total control at work, but you can choose how you lead.

Be clear on how your performance will be measured and valued, and what success means to you.
Set clear expectations so people know what success looks like and how decisions get made.
Create an environment where honest feedback is welcomed and safe, in all directions.
Protect your time to think, not just react, so you can make intentional choices and then follow through.

Enjoy the journey, keep learning, and give yourself credit as you grow into your full potential.

Need some help achieving your professional goals? Let’s talk.

Finding Your Voice

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 09:17:00 -0500

Communication has two active states: speaking and listening.

But speaking isn’t just about the words coming out of your mouth. It’s how you present yourself to your audience, whether that’s one person or thousands.

Your voice shows up everywhere. In presentations. Emails. Meetings. Social media posts. Media interviews. Even in how you write a memo.

Each one is an opportunity to be heard.

Finding Your Voice

Here’s what most people miss: voice isn’t just what you say.

It’s how you say it. The tone you use. The strength of your message. The format you choose. Whether you’re consistent or all over the place.

A lot of my facilitation work focuses on helping leaders find their voice. And yes, it’s something you have to find. It doesn’t just appear one day.

The process sounds simple. Who are you talking to? What do they already believe? How do they like to receive information? What do you want them to know? What action do you want them to take? How will you know if it worked?

Simple questions. Complex answers.

That’s where the real work happens.

Why This Matters

Over the years, I’ve worked with people and organizations to help them discover their voice.

Sometimes that means bringing in other experts. A presentation coach. A talented writer. A designer. A speech coach. Each person adds their magic to make sure the message lands.

One of my former bosses once told me, “Thank you for being my voice.” He believed that because I helped him find his voice, he succeeded as an executive. His message got stronger. His impact grew.

That’s the power of knowing what you want to say and how to say it.

The question is: have you found yours yet?

Learning to Tame Your Triggers

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 12:24:00 -0500

Everyone faces moments that send their temper into orbit. Sound familiar? When anger takes the driver’s seat, most of us don’t exactly morph into Zen masters.

Handling emotions in the heat of the moment is a skill. And like any skill, it takes practice.

A few simple strategies can help diffuse even the most volcanic reactions.

Spot Your Emotional State

First, ask yourself, “Where am I right now?” Try the stoplight trick, used with kids but handy at any age:

Green – all calm.
Amber – caution, something’s brewing.
Red – code red, emotions running the show.

Pausing to check your “light” helps you choose what to do next. If you’re in the red zone, it’s perfectly fine to step away and cool down. Leaders do that all the time. It’s called wisdom, not weakness.

Name, Claim, and Reframe

Before your response winds up starring in a workplace horror story, run through these three steps:

Name: Pinpoint what’s really setting you off. Is it about values or boundaries? Why are you reacting and not responding?
Claim: Decide how you would like to act. What facts do you really have? What words will keep the drama from escalating? What truly matters here?
Reframe: Look for a fresh perspective. What can I learn from this? Is there room to get creative instead of just defensive? What options are on the table, and could this trainwreck actually help you build your leadership muscles?

Leaders Rise Above

Mastering emotional triggers and having a plan of attack sets you apart—not just as a leader, but as someone who can be counted on when things get bumpy.

It means choosing action over reaction and transforming obstacles into opportunities.

Turns out, emotional smarts are just as important as strategic vision for levelling up in your leadership journey.