We all have them – situations or people that make your blood boil. I don’t know about you but when that happens to me, I am not at my best.
It takes practice to say and do the right things in the heat of the moment.
My grandson has a condition that causes him to lose control of his anger. Through him and the resources he has been given I have seen how a few simple steps can help diffuse negative emotions.
Know where you are
It starts with identifying your emotional state. For a child, we use a simple stoplight analogy. Are you green – good to go; amber, something could set you off; or red, out of control? Taking a moment to understand your status helps define your next step. If you are red, it might be time to extricate yourself from the situation and give yourself time to cool down.
Name, Claim and Reframe
Before anything awful happens, take some time to name, claim and reframe so that your response to whatever stimulus that comes will be more measured. Here’s how that works:
- NAME the source of your triggers.
- Why am I reacting to this challenge instead of responding?
- What about this situation makes me uncomfortable or triggers me?
- Does this situation violate one or more of my core values? What core value boundary might have been violated?
- CLAIM the actions you want to take in the situation.
- What action can I take?
- Do I have a firm grasp of the facts?
- What about my words or actions will avoid others reacting negatively?
- What is most important?
- REFRAME your thinking so you can gain new perspectives and proceed with visionary optimism.
- What can I learn from this?
- Does this situation offer me a chance to be creative in my response?
- What options will give me the best results?
- What about this obstacle can fuel my future goals?
- What other resources can I bring to this challenge?
Leaders take control
Knowing what triggers you and why, and preparing a strategy to manage your emotions in the moment can set you apart as a leader and as a person who rises to the occasion.
Do you have triggers? Share your stories in the comments below.
