Nonverbal cues don’t just support your message; they often decide how it lands. The classic “words vs. tone vs. body language” finding - also known as the 7-38-55 rule - gets misquoted a lot, but the core idea stands: if your face, voice, and posture don’t match your intent, your audience won’t either.
Here’s a quick, practical tour of cues to watch and use so your message says what you mean.
Eyes
- Your eyes signal whether you’re sharing straight facts or making a joke; align them with your intention to avoid mixed messages.
- Sustained, warm eye contact builds trust, while darting eyes or a squint can read as evasive or skeptical.
Head position
- A slight head tilt can soften statements into questions; the same tilt at the wrong moment can read as dismissive.
- Think “Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada energy”: small head movements can convey status, judgment, or approval without a word.
Mouth
- A smile can soothe or undermine; a grin during tense moments can look flippant, especially if you laugh when nervous.
- Neutral lips with a relaxed jaw communicate steadiness when delivering hard news.
Hand gestures
- Face-touching, hair-smoothing, or covering your mouth can imply doubt or discomfort and shift how people interpret your words.
- Open-hand gestures at waist level read as collaborative; fists, pointing, or crossed arms imply control, defence, or resistance.
Body position
- In meetings, upright posture and a slight lean-in signal engagement; slouching or turning away signals disinterest.
- As a presenter, moving closer invites participation; staying anchored behind a table can create distance.
Touch
- Clutching an award, a firm handshake, or a brief hug communicates emotion and relationship norms that people will instantly interpret.
- Match your use of touch to context and culture to avoid sending unintended messages.
Grunts and sighs
- Not quite words, but powerful: a sigh can signal relief, boredom, or frustration depending on timing and tone.
- Small vocalizations - “mm”, “uh-huh” - can reinforce warmth and listening or, if overdone, feel impatient.
Try this week
- Pick one recurring conversation and record yourself on video. Watch with the sound off, then with sound on. Do the nonverbals match your message?
- Choose one cue to adjust: slower nods, fewer face-touches, or a two-second pause before responding.
- Ask a trusted peer for one micro‑feedback note after your next meeting: “What did my body language say?”
When nonverbals align with your message, you’re clearer, more credible, and easier to follow, especially when the stakes are high.
Updated from a previous post published in April 2024.
